The Counterpublic Papers vol. 6 no. 5

December 30, 2020

Only hours left. Here’s what I wrote at the end of my first newsletter of 2020:

Turning fifty—my official birthday is June 5, but last year I started celebrating January 1—presented me with a set of stark reminders that the world will consistently force you to think about your values, your ethical commitments, your politics, and commit to them or put them aside. And as you grow older the stakes of that choice become higher and higher.

2020 is going to be a year in which we’re all forced to make choices. Let’s hope we make those choices together.

I was probably referring mostly to the election—at that moment nothing loomed larger. But reading this now? The term “understatement” doesn’t begin to describe this. I’m pretty sure that I’ve described the Trump election as the beginning of the beginning. If the stakes of his election weren’t clear then, they were made clear this year. Further, if the idea of individuals making a difference through the choices they made wasn’t clear at the beginning of 2020, they should be painfully clear now. Finally if we didn’t know how a civilization could somehow normalize the death of 320,000 citizens we know that too.

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Throughout the year I’ve focused on three key words. Gratitude. Grace. Joy. Giving gratitude. Extending grace. Finding and creating joy.

(On that end, if you’ve a Caribbean market nearby, do yourself a favor. Go, buy a packet of Sorrel leaves, then when you get home take about two cups of them, combine them with ten cups of water, three cinnamon sticks, four star anises -you should be able to pick these up at the market as well-and bring them to a boil. After that let them simmer for about 10-15 minutes. Then let everything sit for a few hours at least, then strain it into a pitcher. Add sugar to taste. And if you drink alcohol, add a healthy amount of rum. Sorrel is the traditional Caribbean holiday drink. I’m not sure how I found out about it—I made it for the first time either last year or the year before—but I wish I could get all those years of wishing I had something better than egg nog back.)

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Alongside of gratitude, grace, and joy, I’d suggest that we do one other thing.

Remember.

We have to remember this year. We have to remember how it felt when the world shut down. Remember how it felt when people started to die. Remember how it felt when the food runs began. Remember how it felt when going to the store felt like a health risk. Remember how it felt when your people started to die. Remember how it felt when some of your friends swore that it wasn’t real. Remember how it felt to tell your parents it was real. Remember how it felt to have to tell your parents again that it was real. Remember how it felt when Trump lied. Remember how it felt when Bob Woodward withheld. Remember the lies they told about Ahmaud Arbery. Remember how it felt when you couldn’t properly bury your loved ones. Remember how it felt when you got sick and thought you were going to die.Remember how you felt when you saw George Floyd murdered. Remember how it felt when you couldn't visit your parents, couldn't visit your grandparents. Remember how it felt when the streets emptied.Remember how casual the police were as they killed a man.  Remember how it felt when your children railed against you, railed against the schools, railed against being on house arrest, and there was nothing you could do. Remember when the deaths surpassed Vietnam. Remember how you felt when you heard about Breonna Taylor. Remember when the deaths surpassed World War 2. Remember the moment as many people died per day as we lost on 9/11. Remember going months without touching another human. Remember how it felt to spend Christmas alone. Remember how it felt to see the places that gave you life shuttered.

Remember the moment you decided to march, literally putting your life on the line.

Remember.

Fucking remember.

Remember how this happened.

Remember the forces responsible.    

Name them.

If the new world begins in earnest in 2021, we have to take it upon ourselves to make sure that this never happens again. And that the forces responsible, all of them, bear the responsibility for what was done.

In “The Uses of Anger: Women Responding to Racism” Audre Lorde notes the following:

Every woman has a well-stocked arsenal of anger potentially useful against those oppressions, personal and institutional, which brought that anger into being. Focused with precision it can become a powerful source of energy serving progress and change. And when I speak of change, I do not mean a simple switch of positions or a temporary lessening of tensions, nor the ability to smile or feel good. I am speaking of a basic and radical alteration in those assumptions underlining our lives.

When you remember, take that feeling, take that anger, that rage, and hone it, focus it. This can never ever happen again. And it won’t….if we all commit.

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Earlier in the year a group of organizers purchased an old church on Baltimore’s east side with the purpose of transforming it into a co-operative community (VOLAR—a Village of Love and Resistance). You’re likely getting a lot of end of the year requests for donations. Consider this one more….unless you read this in the new year, which makes it a beginning of the year request. If what they’re doing speaks to you, consider donating.

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Finally, I might go more in depth about this in another newsletter, but for the first time in my life I can chart my future. A number of you can take some responsibility for that. For some of you this is quite literal. Some of you were there when things could’ve gone in a different direction. For the rest of you? Even if we’ve never met, even if you’ve never interacted with me at all, you’ve helped. Writing this newsletter commits me to a practice, and that practice, that discipline, helped get me through, helps get me through. When I was in the middle of the pandemic having to provide for four folk every day, it was that discipline that kept me sane. There’s more to come, more to do, and a world to win. This is far from over. It’s just beginning.

Thank you. And see you in 2021.